What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence - is a pattern of psychological abuse, threats, intimidation, isolation or economic coercion used by one person to exert power and control over another person in the context of a dating, family or household relationship.

Some people think domestic violence is a private family problem. It is not. 

Domestic violence is a crime.

Forms of Abuse

Emotional Abuse: Harms a person's self-esteem or causes shame. Examples include:

• Repeated lies and broken promises
• Withholding affection - giving the "silent treatment"
• Extreme jealousy that keeps a partner away from friends, relatives, or interests.
• Insults and put-downs
• Threats against a person's safety
• Controlling a person's every move - how they dress, what to eat, where they go, etc.

Physical Abuse: Cause physical pain or injury. Examples include:

• Punching, kicking, or slapping
• Shaking, pushing or grabbing hard enough to cause discomfort
• Attacking with a knife, gun or other weapon
• Any physical act that is unwanted or hurtful - even tickling or hugging, if it is unwanted.

Sexual Abuse: Is any kind of unwanted sexual advance or contact. It can include everything from unwelcomed sexual comments, kissing, and/or even intercourse. Forced sexual intercourse between two people who know each other is called "date rape". It is a common and serious problem.

What does is mean to be in a healthy relationship?
It means you are together because you:

Have a common Vision.
You both have an idea of what the relationship means and where you would like it to go.

Share basic values.
You have similar spiritual and family values. This does not mean that you agree on everything.

Have the other person’s interests at heart.
You are not together for selfish reasons.

Are strong individuals.
You are together because you want to be – not because you fear being alone, want sex, or seek revenge (on an “ex” partner, for example).

How can you tell if you are in a healthy relationship?
Try not to compare your relationship to your parents’ or to media images (TV shows, movies, etc). Trust your gut feelings and talk to trusted family members and friends.

Take this self-test to get a feel for the kind of relationship you may be in.

1. When we fight, we tend to blame each other.
2. I can’t tell my partner what I really think and feel.
3. My partner is jealous of my career or friends.
4. I often feel lonely in my relationship
5. I have been physically hurt by my partner
   (slapped, kicked, punched, etc.)
6. My partner usually cuts me off when I talk.
7. I do most of the work (chores, child care, etc.)
8. My partner often verbally abuses me.
   (calls me names, makes threats, etc.)
9. My partner cheats on me.
10. My partner is the one who needs to change not me. 

If you answered YES to one or more of these statements your relationship is in need of help.

If you answered NO to ALL of these statements – Congratulations! Yours is a healthy relationship.

The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

• Emotional injuries: low self-esteem; fearful; insecure, with home environment; delayed emotional development from lack of emotional nurturing and security.
• Depression
• Guilt Feelings: feelings of responsibility for violence; guilt for not being able to prevent or stop the violence; guilt for failure to intervene during the violence to protect parent.
• Agression toward others: model aggressive and violence behaviors; use violence to resolve conflicts, only solutions they know of; use violence to distance others from them – if distant, no one will discover problems in home.
• Distant and Preoccupied: main concern is on what may be happening at home; fear for safety of parent and self; maintains distance from others so no one discovers violence in the home; shame.
• Poor school adjustment: education and peers.
• Truancy: stays at home, believing that their presence will prevent the violence and fighting.
• Roll Reversal: older children will take on responsibility of the younger children and household; become caretakers for the parent and "parenting" the abused parent; abused parent may begin to confide in oldest child as they would an adult; little opportunity to become involved in childhood acitivities; forced early maturity due to violence and family dysfunction.
• Running away episodes: desire to escape an unbearable home situation.
• Modeling of behaviors: adopts learned victim or agressor roles; often becomes involved in violent relationships in adulthood, either as abuser (modeling aggressor role) or as an abused person (modeling victim role).
• Alcohol and drug abuse experimentation: desire to find escape from violent home situation, psychological escape; attempt to find support with others involved in like activities; modeling parental behaviors.
• Physcially, emotionally, and/or sexually abused: children may attempt to intervene in violent incidents and become physically injured; emotionally damaged when they witness the violence; abused parent may become so preoccupied with fear and abusive situation that he/she cannot offer the nurturing needed by the child; child may be victim of sexual abuse if family is dysfunctional in that manner or extent.
• Early marriage: seen as an escape out of violent home environment; may be subconscious or conscious desire to create home environment which they had been denied.
• Delinquency: lack of support in home environment, so seeks support through acceptance in powerful, "strong", usually delinquent group; easy group to be accepted into as long as individual performs according to group standards.
• Violence towards parents as adolescents and adults
• Expansion of violence into community.

WellSpring Center For Hope
P.O. Box 368800
Chicago, IL 60636

Monday - Friday 8:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.
773-723-2119

Email Us:

wellspringctrhope1@yahoo.com